Boulevard dreaming...

OMAHA CYCLING WEEKEND PHOTOS BELOW THE RANT

Sometimes it's nice to take it easy on a summer evening, kick back and relax. You crack open a beer and forget about your worries... or in my case, you forget you put a put a pot of soup on the stove and in the time it takes to get down a few satisfying sips of the fizzy, the soup has boiled over and made messy all over the stove. It's almost amazing that 12 ounces of soup can escape a sauce pan in such a short amount of time. Damned amazing.

Upon seeing this, I frowned so big that my bottom lip nearly hit me in the gonads. Oh wait, it gets better you see, I have  a gas range and right there by the burner is a hole. A glorious hole. Soup seems to like to go down that hole just about as much as I like licking, then putting back, the little blocks of sample cheese they have at grocery stores. Manchego is my favorite taste, but I just can't afford those calories plumping up my sculpted ass. 

So ... beneath the nice white enameled surface of the stove top is an absolute disaster of small pipes, screws, fittings and what have you a god damned mess of shit covered in soup. Tomato soup. It was like trying to cleanly scoop the snow off a cobble stone driveway covered with metal snakes levitating above the surface, and shit, the snakes are wearing women's panties. Sexy ones. Just ridiculous. It took ingenuity, a good amount of cursing and a rubber spatula to get it all cleaned up. All the angles were bad, tight corners, cramping muscles and nothing was sealed so you could just tell that it was dripping down the cracks. (Sounds like a bad sexual experience.)

After using a mono-pod as a kick stand to hold up the lid (finally a use for all that expensive photography gear I buy), I got all the soup cleaned up and lined the bottom with tin foil so when it happens again, it won't be such a hassle. That's right folks. When. Because stupid shit like this happens to me all the time, and since I like to drink beer while pretending to be Rachel Ray, you can guarantee that I am gonna flood the stove top again with no ark to save the giraffes and god damn ring tailed lemurs. And yes, I managed to sacrifice about 3 ounces of soup that I then watered down into 6. F#ckin' A Peter man. Ah, those peaceful summer nights.